Steadying as Life's Season Turns Stormy

My husband lost his job in mid August. It's not the first I've written of this. Now 2.5 months into this journey it is really difficult at times. Brian has had quite a number of interviews - it goes like this nowadays: a screening phone call, a second call, an onsite tech interview and a wait of up to a week or more for word of whether he got the job. He has come close at least 4 times. The emails or phones calls notifying him he has not got the job have euphemisms that the writer thinks are fooling us. Not the right mix of skills for this job, a lot of great candidates were interviewed, talents don't suit the job. Ha ha - we are not fooled. For awhile this week Brian (and I) fell into hopelessness and powerlessness. He is subtly being asked to collude with the prejudice and lies that are being given to him. Everyone says don't mention age in interviews, all the online info says don't mention age. This week after yet another rejection and ridiculous e-mail, Brian wrote back respectfully about the ageism and prejudice reminding the interviewers that the current crop of 30 year old's best before date is in about 15 years, at the age of 45. If they don't move to correct this course of ageism they will be next. And they are suffering now from a lack of wisdom, stability and experience that could be brought by a seasoned and talented employee.

Recruiters and businessmen rave about Brian's resume - he is highly skilled with broad and deep current skills. But he is also over 50. It seems the tech industry, while he has been working productively and with great creativity contributing for many years, has become a young person's business. The average age in the Silicon Valley is 31. Here in Vancouver, in Little Silicon, it isn't much different. Discussion of ageism in the tech industry is all over the Internet. The color of his hair seems to be the deciding factor. It's very difficult to combat prejudice. Why should the industry choose when he is no longer needed? He loves his work and has lots left to contribute. This ageism is prejudice pure and simple. Prejudice to me means judging by a single factor that someone is unworthy and of lesser value. It could be color of skin, accent, place of origin, immigrant, age, weight. It's hurtful to be on the end of prejudice - it's our first time.

Last year I left a music school I had been teaching in because the commute had doubled to an hour. I swore I'd never do a commute like that, crawling in traffic for 60 mins. So eventually I quit. Later I was told the school had been sold and new clarinet teacher was going to be hired anyway. After 5 years that surprised me. But now I realize it was my age. How naive of me to think I still mattered, I still have lots to pass on and convey about playing the clarinet. How naive to think I still have lots to give and to nurture in the young students.

Well, I too, feel depressed. My heart aches to have reached a place where the message is we no longer matter in our society. This is not a healthy society of course. I recognize this. I know I am of value. I know Brian is of value. We are both vibrant people.

So, how to cope? Brian wants to try to get a job until he doesn't want to. I support him. I support and love him every day during this journey. This journey is also difficult for me. We have no foundation, we are up and down like a yoyo and it feels like we are in limbo. I'm a dreamer and a planner - I can't plan now, just wait. I support and love myself. Like all difficult times old family patterns can be triggered. This can be a time of healing as these surface more clearly. It's doesn't feel good but the results can be very positive.

Both of us have had issues come up. For me it is the old pattern in my family of abuse which told me very directly AND indirectly I was of no value, I am not good enough, and had nothing to contribute. I've struggled with this my whole life. In the last year I've made great headway in this in a course I am doing. Now I feel in the midst again of that hurt and trauma, but the difference is I know what to do. I sit with myself, I realize I have many skills, talents and a lot of life experience and value and then I speak with my hurt inner child. I listen carefully to how she feels, how this all feels, what happened before and I love her unconditionally and give her what she needs - reassurance, love, acknowledgement for her talents and for who she is. I know eventually she'll believe me and realize what I already know and then I will be in alignment in the world, better than before, acknowledging my value more fully. The deeper truth is that everyone of us on this earth are of value and have unique skills and talents to offer, we are all needed to make a wonderful life on earth. Too often the hidden and denied inner wounding creates difficulty in lives and in our countries, as we now have here on our miraculous planet.

The other thing Brian and I did yesterday was to realize that he is doing the work of finding a job very well. Now we need to trust the Intelligence of life, the universe, god or whatever you want to call it, to co- create the life he and I want. I am not so good at all at this part. Faith. I want to feel I have all the cards, to feel I can control everything but that is not true of course. Yesterday, RIGHT AFTER!! we both got into this new space of faith in the Universe, the phone rang and it was friend of mine saying that his non-profit needs a tech guy one day a week! Wow! And while I was on the phone with Chris, Brian got a call from a recruiter saying he had 2 jobs for Brian to look at. Wow again. We were receiving great news at the same time!! Brian will interview for one job early next week and the other after that. This recruiter and Brian have talked about his (approx.) age at Brian's request - the recruiter recognizes Brian's vibrance and skills and has no trouble recommending him for a job. Faith. Wait and wonder, know what you want, take steps and reach out. The Universe will answer. I hope it will answer soon. I think I shouldn't say that and have faith all will happen as it is meant to. ...I am still growing with this faith thing....Sometimes the Universe has other ideas to spark growth or change courses of lives so greater parts of ourselves can surface and be recognized, so journeys can head in a more fruitful direction. I am not sure what we are to learn yet from all this nor where we are going - that's hard. Somethings are clear and others are not. It is a journey. Faith.

Today we went for a walk in the large park that is right behind our house. I again felt nature, felt how estranged we all are, I am, from the natural world. There is so much energy, if we live in balance with nature, so much beauty and truth. I tried to let that in as I walked, to sooth my troubles. The light was so beautiful, just before setting. Water droplets sparkled on leaves, the colors of Fall were enhanced and gorgeous, the depth of the forest, the sky, the river all together were exquisite. Nature can show us how amazing and beautiful we are, how to stand tall, and steady, trusting, even as leaves drop, that there will be vibrant life again. Nature will show us how to weather the storms - flow with the wind and rain, and we will not break - the sun will shine again and new life will again rise with beauty and energy in the Spring. Brian and I are in a personal season of Fall/Winter - Spring and Summer will come again. Stand steady, Have Faith and know seasons always change. We will be OK. Faith.